很多家庭提出收养意向，最终却不了了之

夏秀很注意搜集艾滋病的相关信息，哪个地方有关于艾滋病的学习讲座，她就会抱着孩子去听。然而，了解得越多，压力就越大，越恐惧，她下决心要早点把孩子送出去。

2008年4月，当地媒体进行匿名报道后，夏秀母子的遭遇开始走入公众视野，并得到许多公益组织和爱心人士的关注。夏秀鼓起勇气在广播电台接受专访，向公众倾诉自己的遭遇，公开为孩子找“家”。

“那一段时间里，家里的电话快被打爆了。”夏秀说，“至少有上百个家庭开始关注孩子，通过电话、来访询问孩子的状况，很多人也提出了收养意向。”

每当有人来访，夏秀就会把孩子从出生开始的健康检测报告和媒体的报道拿给对方看，“我多么希望能有一个温暖的家庭能够接纳孩子，我不断地憧憬着孩子未来的幸福生活，他会像正常孩子一样学习、工作、结婚、生子，享受生命。”提起当时的情景，夏秀面露微笑，双眼亮闪闪的，声音高亢。

很多次，她都以为对方能把孩子领走，但最终却不了了之。

夏秀总结说，希望越大，失望越大。

她曾对一位铁路局的退休医生抱以很大的期望。在一名参与报道的好心记者引领下，母子俩来到老人家里。老人很喜欢虎头虎脑的儿子，决定收养，他让夏秀回去做好准备。

走出家门的那一刻，夏秀激动极了，孩子的未来终于有了着落。记者也非常高兴，请母子俩在餐厅吃砂锅。自从患艾滋病以来，没人愿意与她一起共餐。回忆起当时的情景，夏秀高兴得泪花在眼里打转，连声说，“我太荣幸了，第一次体会到平等。”

劝说儿子花了不少时间，她不断地给儿子描述奶奶家的好，儿子在种种“诱惑”下，开始想象美好生活。

谁知，当夏秀再次领儿子来到老人家里时，老人却告诉她，自己的儿女不同意。夏秀低声哀求，“你不是之前答应好了吗？我以为你是医生，你能理解我的感受，不会嫌弃艾滋病。”

老人没再回应。夏秀领着儿子走出家门，站在马路边，泪流满面。

多年来，一次次的伤害和打击，让夏秀有些绝望。

她想到了自杀。一次，夏秀悄悄打开煤气，抱着儿子静静地躺在床上等死。

10余分钟过后，突然传来“咚咚咚”的急促敲门声，儿子挣脱母亲的怀抱去开门。附近干活儿的打工者大声喊：“煤气咋没关好？”

夏秀有些失望，只得“哦”地应声。

“可能是天注定了，为了儿子，我还得坚强地面对。”夏秀说。

在她的脑海里，总想起电台主持人的一句话：“很多人觉得母子可怜，脑子一热大发善心地跑去献爱心，回来冷静之后，又因内心担忧、无法接受而放弃，这会给他们带来更大的伤害。”

“归根结底，大家还是从心底里无法接受，歧视艾滋病感染者。”夏秀说。

“我看不到孩子的未来”

今年9月，夏秀因高烧不退再次住院一个多月。她明显地感到身体状况不如以前，病情正逐步恶化，在同一个病房里，不时有病入膏肓的艾滋病病人痛苦离世。

所幸，她不必为住院费用发愁，6000多元的费用全部由医院和志愿组织承担。长期关注她的医生告诉她，“为什么会特殊照顾你，就是因为你不吸毒，你能够坚持接受免费抗病毒药物治疗，你还有一个6岁的孩子。”

志愿组织和爱心人士不时地给予资金或日用品方面的资助，加上目前每月300多元的低保金，近两年来，夏秀不必带着孩子去捡垃圾过活。

偶尔的资助仅能维持基本的生活，儿子开始上小学一年级，夏秀面临的难题也越来越多。“小饭桌涨价了，一个月200多元的费用怎么办？学校如果知道我有艾滋病怎么办？肯定会歧视儿子的，或许就把他开除了，到时他连学都没得上了。”

“怎么办？怎么办？”恐惧每时每刻都在侵袭她。

痛彻心扉的歧视与伤痛，夏秀不知感受过多少回，她说：“为了孩子，我早就放弃了尊严！”面对一些有可能收养孩子的组织或家庭，她会跪着祈求；面对关心孩子的爱心人士或志愿组织，她会不断地讨要。

在对社会爱心人士寄予的无数次希望与失望之间，夏秀的心态也悄悄发生了变化。再见到来访者时，她最关心的是对方能给予她什么帮助。

夏秀承认自己目前的心理是病态的，“现在，一个感冒都有可能夺走我的生命，我实在太着急了，我看不到孩子的未来。”

住院期间，儿子由一位从事志愿服务的热心教师代管，一个月的相处后，老师担忧地告诫她：“孩子很聪明，但是严重地缺乏安全感，你已经把焦虑传染给了孩子。”

“是的，在儿子面前，我无数次地提出要把他送给别人。儿子经常在我面前说，我会烧饭、洗衣服，你不要把我送给别人好不好？”夏秀说，她现在开始关心孩子的心理健康问题，她让儿子学画，画美好的事物，“我要培养他心怀感恩。”

夏秀对未来依旧充满憧憬，“儿子能被爱心家庭收养也好，进入儿童村由专人照顾的小家庭也好，我只是希望他能在健康的环境中生活，不要每天担惊受怕。”但她仍觉得这个希望有些渺茫，“6年了，我没有自尊地到处讨要，还要继续讨要吗？”

“儿子至今不知道我有艾滋病，我告诉他我得了糖尿病、癌症。但他迟早都会知道的，他幼小的心灵一定无法承受社会的歧视和不理解。”夏秀黯然地说，“等那天到来再说吧，我不知道该怎样面对，不知道……”(记者 王雪迎)

An HIV mother cry: "Who the health of my child adoption"
December 6, 2010 08:13:26 Source: China Youth Daily
 
 
 


November 27, Urumqi City Tianshan District Center for Disease Control and Prevention Organization "the power of a hug," public service activities, seven AIDS advocacy volunteers dressed in uniforms of knowledge, embrace the street collection in order to arouse the community to HIV infected persons attention and care. Tianshan District, Urumqi, courtesy CDC

"I am dead, my children how to do?" Summer show (a pseudonym), half of white hair. Her dark complexion, thin build, physical weakness, walk 100 meters on the breath.

Bus, a child called summer show, "Grandma," in fact she was only 41 years old.

6 years, the AIDS death threats to her anxiety. However, as a mother she said: "As long as able to send him to the healthy environment, I am willing to die tomorrow!" Her to give up self-esteem, everywhere pray for his son to find "home."

More than 2,000 day and night passed, there have been adopted on the one hundred families have expressed interest, eventually let the matter rest, has not achieved her desire.

"Why?" In the suburbs of Urumqi city to a small room, her grief in tears.

HIV is not the same family

Show temporary staying in summer cottages, filled with the thick smell of disinfectant.

"Sterilization" has become a keyword in the Xia Xiusheng live, and this is her biggest difference with other families.

In cooking, she always put on sterilized gloves, mother and son share cups and dishes are clear. From the child's birth, the summer show a toilet after each use, it will wash with disinfectant. She and her son always slept separately, never kissed her son's mouth. Occasionally, his son will be like a baby, "Mom, hug me!" At his son's eyes looking forward to summer show had turned our backs to him, gently holding my son.

Speaking with the China Youth Daily reporter details of holding his son, summer show, constantly rubbed his hands, eyes sadly, tears in the eyes and round and round, "I am very Xiangbao child, very much like pro-child, but I can not, I can not let the children have a possibility of infection rag! "

She has truly feel terrible AIDS, infected with AIDS because of drug abuse in his son a half years old when her husband died, her husband home to loved ones left behind such a sentence, "he is gone, will you marry to marry it, who send their children want to give it. "and around the family and friends learned that after the couple's condition, shun, no exchanges.

"I hate my husband, he gave me the AIDS epidemic. He was still alive, even though we face discrimination and pressure to the outside world, after all, he still wore." Summer show, said, "her husband left, all the burden is pressure on me. He was a drug addict, not a penny left to our mother, how can I do? "

In addition to discrimination against people around, summer show itself is also a loss for the future. She fell ill, bronchial inflammation, fever for several days to get up, wah-wah hungry children crying, all she had to make way for the son to go unstable when the neighbor took the bowl to the "beggar."

"Death" that the word always linger in her mind, "probably tomorrow I go, my child how to do, he lonely to Liuzaishishang, who will take care of him?"

In the eyes of most outsiders, the mother and son is just too poor

Summer show very healthy son, which is the midst of sadness.

PMTCT in hospital after drug treatment of AIDS every year, the summer show will be holding his son for HIV testing, all results show that his son is healthy.

She moved out of the original home, the fact that HIV deeply buried heart. Both physically and more uncomfortable, as long as out of the house, she forced his smiles, head forward.

But the anxiety often made her uneasy, temper is also growing. Summer show hate yourself, "Why to give birth to this child?" Sometimes, she would vent his temper on the children, playing children. However, she later played regret, "I committed bad, why the spread in the children?" She hid in the toilet, fans started their own mouth, snapping, "face hurt, I just use the pain to myself, to know do not know the children's responsibilities? it happens again have to endure, the child is your responsibility! "

In the eyes of most outsiders, the mother and son is just too poor.

They do not have source of income, clothing worn, often after nightfall, to pick up a nearby vegetable stall stall vegetable abandoned, discarded in the rubbish pick up someone else's old clothes and shoes.

The woman owner of a restaurant near the mother and son see is poor, and they agreed well, with the remaining guests to eat meals, phone calls to the mother and son to eat.

From the child 3 years old, mother and son about a year to eat at the hotel. One day, the proprietress told the summer show: "Do not come after you, the guests have been complaining about it, it will affect our business."

Led the children out of the hotel door, the summer show burst into tears, told his son walking murmured: "We did not even eat the leftovers."

Summer show parents passed away, she had wanted to give my sister foster son. Son 3 years old, the summer show the grave of their parents met my sister, she took her sister's clothes, did not expect the anti-plague-like sister suddenly walk away, "Go away, you are so dirty!"

Crying and kneeling on the sister show of summer before, "I have no other way out, I beg you to adopt a child, and I will try to work to earn money back to you."

Sister has turned a deaf ear to go.

Many families for adoption intention, eventually let the matter rest

Summer collection show great attention to AIDS-related information, where to learn about the AIDS lecture, she would take their children to listen. However, the more you know, the greater the pressure, the more fear, she was determined to send their children to go out early.

April 2008, local media reported anonymously, the mother's face shows the beginning of summer into the public eye, and with many nonprofit organizations and caring people's attention. Summer show courage in radio interview, share their experiences to the public, open for the children to find "home."

"That period of time, the home phone has been ringing off the hook fast." Summer show, said, "at least hundreds of families started to pay attention their children, by phone, ask the child's state visit, many people also put forward the adoption intention."

Whenever someone visits, summer show will put the health of children from birth, test reports and media reports showed the other side to see, "I wish I could have a warm family to accept the child, I kept looking forward to the future well-being of the child life, as he would like a normal child to learn, work, marry, have children, enjoy life. "instituted at the scene, the summer show, smiling, eyes sparkling, high-pitched voice.

Many times, she thought the other kids took the can, but eventually dropped.

Concluded that the summer show, will have a big disappointment.

She had retired doctor, a railway board to hold great expectations. Kind reported in the press who took part under the guidance of mother and son came to the elderly in the. Like Hutouhunao old son, decided to adopt, he was ready to go back to the summer show.

Out of the house at the moment, very exciting summer show, children's future finally landed. Journalists are also very happy mother and son in a restaurant to eat your casserole. Since AIDS has been, no one wants to have dinner with her. Recalled the scene at that time, the summer show happy tears in the eyes of spin, kept saying, "I'm so honored, the first time feel equal."

To persuade his son to spend a lot of time, she kept her son a good description of Grandma, son in all the "temptation", began to imagine a better life.

Who knows, when the summer show, where once again brought his son to the elderly, the old man told her that their children do not agree. Summer Show whispered cry, "You do not promise good before? I thought you were a doctor, you can understand my feelings, do not hold anything against AIDS."

Elderly people has no longer respond. Summer Show led his son out of the house, standing on side of the road, burst into tears.

Over the years, again and again and combat damage, so the summer show some desperation.

She thought of suicide. Once, the summer show, quietly open the gas, holding his son to die quietly in bed.

More than 10 minutes later, a sudden "tapping at" the rapid knock on the door, the son of his mother's arms to break open the door. Children of migrant workers working nearby shouted: "ye do not turn off the gas?"

Summer show a little disappointed, only "Oh" to answer it.

"May heaven, in order to son, I have a strong face." Summer show said.

In her mind, always remember that radio host's words: "Many people think that poor mother, my mind is good when one run to the hot big love and calm returned after the heart because of concerns can not accept to give up, this will give them greater harm. "

"Ultimately, we still can not accept from the bottom of my heart, discrimination, AIDS." Summer show said.

"I do not see the child's future"

This year in September, the summer show more than a month because of high fever hospital again. She obviously felt physical condition as before, the condition is gradually deteriorating, in the same ward, from time to time with terminally ill AIDS patients suffering of death.

Fortunately, she does not have to worry about hospital costs, total cost of 6,000 yuan by the hospitals and voluntary organizations. Long been concerned about her doctor told her, "Why the special care of you, because you do not do drugs, you can adhere to free antiretroviral treatment, you have a 6 year old child."

Voluntary organizations and caring people from time to time to give the subvention funds or commodities, coupled with the current 300 yuan per month guaranteeing payment, the last two years, the summer show do not have to live with their children to picking up litter.

Occasionally, funding can only maintain a basic living, the son started first grade, the summer show the problems faced by more and more. "Small table prices, the cost of 200 yuan a month how to do? School if you know how to do I have AIDS? Certainly the son of discrimination, and perhaps sacked him, when he did not even get on the school."

"How do? How to do?" Invasion of her fear all the time.

Broke our hearts to the discrimination and pain, feelings of summer show I do not know how many time, she said: "To a child, I would have to give up their dignity!" The face of some of the organization may adopt a child or family, she would kneel pray; love the face of those who care about children or voluntary organization, she will continue to beg.

Caring people in the community had placed numerous times between hope and despair, the summer show's attitude is also quietly changed. To see visitors, she was most concerned about is what someone can give her help.

Xia Xiucheng recognize their present psychology is sick, "Now, a cold are likely to take away my life, I am so anxious, I can not see the child's future."

During hospitalization, the son of volunteer service by an enthusiastic teacher hosted a month to get along, the teacher told her worries: "children are very smart, but a serious lack of security, you have the anxiety spread to the child."

"Yes, in front of his son, and I made many times to put him to someone else. Son often in front of me, I would cook, wash clothes, do not put me to someone else, OK?" Summer show that the She began to care about children's mental health problems, she let his son learn drawing, painting beautiful things, "I will take him thankful."

Summer show is still full of vision for the future, "the son can be adopted by loving families Ye Hao, into the care of children in the village by hand to small families, but for me just hope he can live in a healthy environment, do not fear every day." But she Some still think that this hope is frail, "6 years, and I did not discuss self-esteem to be everywhere, but also to continue to beg for it?"

"My son still does not know that I have AIDS, I told him I had diabetes, and cancer. But he will know sooner or later, his little heart sure can not afford social discrimination and lack of understanding." Summer show, said sadly, "and so that day comes to say it, I do not know how to face, do not know ... ... "(Reporter Wang Xue Ying)