上海的电视频道有几个谈话节目，很多时候是讨论家庭纠纷的问题。有些纠纷我始终不理解，看了后也很气愤：一些子女为过去的一些琐事而仇恨父母；因为房产问题和父母闹翻；因为赡养问题而遗弃父母......

这些子女很多都受过高等教育，甚至还是大学老师。在面临这些纠纷时他们侃侃而谈、强词夺理、互相指责。对于赡养父母的推脱，我不理解的是他们怎么会有那么多理由。赡养父母不需要任何理由！父母是用来孝顺的！

如果你的父母在你的成长过程中做过对不起你的事，请一定要原谅他们！看看伯恩·崔西 (Brian Tracy)是怎么说的：

You should make a habit of forgiving your parents for every mistake they ever made in bringing you up. All parents make mistakes with their children. They do the very best they can, with what they have, based on their own experience, and their current situation; but they make mistakes. This is a fact.

你应该养成一个习惯，对父母在养育你的过程中所做的错事表示宽容。天下的父母在养育孩子时都会犯错。他们尽其所能、倾其所有，根据自己的经验和实际情况来行事，尽管如此，他们还是会犯错。这是事实。

If your parents made a mistake with you, you can say to yourself, "I forgive them completely for everything." And then let it go. If your parents are still alive, go and sit down with them and discuss the events and experiences you still feel angry or resentful about. Tell them, "For a long time, I was angry and resentful about this, but I have decided to forgive you unconditionally and l let it go." And then never bring it up again.

如果父母对你做错了事，你可以对自己说，“无论他们做了什么，我都会原谅他们的。”随后就彻底忘掉不愉快的事情。如果你的父母依然健在，你可以走到他们身边，和他们谈论让你仍然感到气愤或怨恨的事情和经历。告诉他们，“长久以来，我一直对这件事耿耿于怀，但我决定无条件地去原谅你们，让这件事就此过去。”然后你所要做的就是再也不要提起此事。

It is only when you can freely forgive your parents, and let go of any lingering anger or resentment, that you truly grow up and become an adult. Until that point of forgiveness, you are still a child, seeing yourself as a victim. You are still trapped in the past. Forgiveness sets you free to get on with your life.

当你可以发自内心地原谅你的父母，并且让过往种种不快烟消云散的时候，才是你真正长大成人的时刻。在此之前，你还只是个孩子，一直把自己当作受害者，仍然被往事所困。学会原谅可以让你得到解脱，让你继续你自己的生活。

老张有一些恋爱中的年轻朋友，他们经常向我请教如何了解自己恋人的品质问题。我的回答很简单：看看他们如何对待自己的父母。善待自己父母的人将来十有八九会成为一个负责任的好丈夫/妻子。