可以看得出来，这个同学的作文比起上次有了很大的进步。这里也提醒同学们，不要用网上的模板，自己写一个自己的模板，而且使用模板也要注意具体问题具体分析，不要不分题目不加分析地套用。
作文一：
Should school child be limited on hours of watching TV program and movie?
Granted, children should be allowed to watch televisions as they can broaden their horizons, enrich their knowledge, and relax themselves when watching television programs. （这个让步的句子视乎没有必要） However, is it good for children to watch TV as long as they want? Should parents put a limit to the TV time? I, given the chance, strongly hold the point that it is quite necessary to limit the hours of children’s watching TV programs and movies.
GIVEN THE CHANCE是什么？应该是presented with such issue or given the chance to decide something or choose from XXX.
To start with, television, to a large minority of adults, is an addiction, let along the young children. （这句话很别扭）People often find television almost irresistible, and they similarly overestimate their control over watching television. We can imagine that if there were not any time limit, children would be absorbed by the cartoons, unreal stories, and unhealthy contents hours and hours. They would not like to do their homework, play games or do exercise with friends, reading books, or visiting museums because things seem less attractive except and more difficult, except for television. 论述不错。
Along with the above opinion, long time of watching TV programs and movies can do harm to children’s health to an exceptional extent. Firstly, would your eyes feel painful and tired if you gaze at the flashing screen for such a long period of time? Undoubtedly you will nod your head. 这里有些脱节了，孩子看的时候也会眼睛累，但是和前面一段变得懒和依赖，好像没有关系，那么，开头的这个ALONG WITH就不对了，不是一个方向的。So it is evident that long time （watching TV for long hours, 或者，obsession with TV programs）watching TV is entirely possible to cause short sight. Another,？？？ children like to eat snacks while watching TV. They take out the chips, biscuits, chocolate pies, cookies and some coca or juice from the fridge, lie in the sofa, search for interesting programs, and eat those snacks constantly. Consequently, children will get fat in a high rate, and it is really hard to lose weight at such young age. 这里列举了三个理由，但是都比较牵强。
In addition, it is the long time watching TV that will reduce the socialization with their friends and the communication with parents.不要用IT IS 结构，这里不是一个强调，就是一个观点说明，为什么不直接说呢？long hours of TV watching obviously reduce children’s time for participation in game playing, sports or social activities, which are all essential to build a complete and healthy character in the early age of human beings. We, after all, are social animals, and simulated knowledge or contact created by TV can not replace our realistic learning experiences. 这样写，观点才比较鲜明。children spending much time in feasting their eyes on the screen must have less time and interest to play with their friends, thereby making them isolated from others, which could lead to some psychological problems in the future.thereby 一般不要反复和AS 或定语从句一起出现。Moreover, they would not like to communicate with their parents, as they have completely engaged themselves in the programs or movies. However, since the communications between children and parents are quite crucial to children’s health growth, the lack will severely bad influence them, such as the character and the morality.
After reflecting all the factors, I would like to have a notion that school children should be on hours of watching TV programs and movies. Only in this way, can children be excellent in study and healthy in both mental and physics. OK, 结论还算清楚，但前面论述不太好。有进步！
作文2：
For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities?
Whether the education for very young students or education for university students is more significant for successful development of a country? 这句话有语病，是什么结构？而且把问题从新说了一次，没有人么新意啊？为什么不换一个自己的理解？我们说，VERY YOUNG CHILDREN不就是early education 吗？UNIVERSITY EDUCATION不就是HIGHER EDUCATION? 要醒目些，换着说，才有理解啊。The question has been discussed intensely because children's increasingly more 不对，CHINGLISH severe psychological and physical problems have become a 单复数不对了hard social problem. Many people argue that the government should focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities, in order to cultivate more elites contributing much to the country. However, i, given the chance, completely consider that the funds for universities should still occupy the majority of the government's budget. In this essay, i would explore only a few primary reasons to support my viewpoint. 看来这是个模板了，注意，提醒所有同学，模板要自己写，不要抄袭别人的。
To start with, comparing with young children,指代不明确，这么写很混乱，是IT的这个问题和孩子比较还是成年人和孩子比较？？晕了it is evident that the cultivation for elites in universities is of great efficiency and more beneficial to a country's development, since they all have definite majors and are accessible to professional people's guides. Therefore, university education deserves a prior financial support to children. As a law school student, i have learned where is the weak point of my country's law system, and why my country always lose in the international disputes, and clearly I want to be a lawyer majoring in international economics law. 打官司输了所以我们要更注重大学教育？这个论据不好，请换一个。就说，in China, early education or pre-school education enjoys a far more speedy development than that in higher education areas. Less than 30% of the current enrolled college kids fail to receive proper training in morals, social science and legal basics. The situation in provincial or local community colleges is even more deplorable. 然后再继续说一些论据。Thus i can engage myself to the place lack of professional elites, thereby contributing as much as i can to my country.
Along with the point that university students are more important to a country's development, university education needs more funds to support a variety of facilities and academic activities. 又是ALONG WITH, 不过这里用得对了，下面的例子是正确的同方向的。A library, which costs a lot of money, is vitally important for every university. Sometimes the colleges of a university have their own libraries. Another？？？, the costly instruments and equipment are imperial（这是什么？帝国主义？是IMPERATIVE必须必要吧，严重错误，不要用难词，就用IMPORTANT不就很好吗） to university teachers and students. Moreover, university should allocate much money to researches, which indicate and support the academic level of a university. Additionally scholarships are necessary to encourage and reward students with outstanding scores or achievements, and academic competitions, such as a student paper competition, should be hold frequently, as it is significant to create a favorable learning climate via these ways. 这个同学有个倾向喜欢一口气列举三个例子在第二段。
Granted, the elementary education really need further improvement, however, it does not mean the improvement would cost such a large amount of money, 中式英语 even exceeding the university education. Schools can provide more opportunities for children to visit museums and galleries. Parents should pay more attention to their moral values and good characters. 无关。Society has the responsibility to reduce unhealthy factors for children, for instance, the violent movies should be inhibited broadcasting during the 5 to 7 o’clock p.m. when most children have dinners and watch televisions at home. However, the cost of the endeavors for children is far away from that of university education because the main things in need are the concern for children and scientific ways for education. 这段话是个让步，在这里出现很合理，但是要论述清楚，不然读完了，觉得好像你中途改变观点了。
After reflecting all the factors, I would like to have a notion that a government should focus its budget more on universities rather than very young children education for successful development of a country. However, the very young children education is the foundation of the whole education system, thus the government should take more efforts to keep children grow up in a healthy and scientific way.