口述：跨国网络征婚我与艾滋病擦肩而过
http://book.sina.com.cn 2008年11月21日 18:40 新浪读书
文章摘自《网络姻缘：跨国网络征婚口述实录》
本书简介：本书作者是一位在美国《华人》中文杂志工作的编辑，也是通过网络征婚嫁到美国的亲历者。她采访了数十位通过网络征婚嫁到美国去的中国新娘以及通过网络征婚回国相亲的美籍华人。用口述实录的方式把他们的故事记录下来。故事真实感人，情节跌宕起伏。征婚者当中有幸福的，有顺利的，但也有上当受骗，后悔莫及的……[连载内容]
曾经，健的每一个眼神、每一句话都让我如痴如醉；他用他的温情与爱点燃了我年轻的生命，而我原本为了这场恋爱而燃烧到极致的激情，也都全部化为了灰烬。
我是一个很高傲的人，甚至可以说是自负。原来我自己一直都认为，我是一个天才，总是知道走捷径，花很少的力气来获得最大的收益。
我从小到大都很会读书，基本没怎么刻苦，就顺利地考上了北京的一所名校。我们学校学习的气氛很浓，大三、大四的时候，我们同学基本上都是GTER(寄托者，这是中国学生生造的单词，意考 GRE、考 TOEFL的人)，杀鸡(考GRE )考托(TOEFL)成风。
同学们几乎人手一本红宝书(新东方学校出的GRE单词集)，连走路、吃饭，嘴里都在念念有词地背单词，为的就是申请出国留学，当然最牛的是能拿到美国的Offer的人。
在那种环境熏陶下，我当然也想出国。不过我可不想累得黑汗水流地去杀鸡考托，就是考过了，也不见得就一定拿得到Offer，况且即使拿到Offer，还不一定拿得到签证。把青春都浪费在那上头，太不值了。
我琢磨出了一条捷径，那就是直接嫁给一个美国人，这样最快，而且签证百分百会过。
不过我在大学读书的时候，这个计划并没有付诸行动。主要是因为没有私人电脑(我们寝室大家凑钱合买了一台电脑)，打电话也不方便，手机倒是有，可哪儿哪儿都有人，说话不太方便。反正我年纪也不大，这件事也不急，所以我决定毕业以后再说。
2002年我毕业以后，在北京没找到接受单位，无奈只好回了南昌，当了个公务员。
工作没什么正事，基本就是喝茶、看报，犹如死水一潭。幸亏单位福利还不错，给我一个人分了间宿舍，所以我马上就买了台电脑，开始了我的网上征婚之旅。
其实网上征婚挺流行的，会上网的人都知道这回事。不过一般人都是搞搞什么“同城相约”之类的东西，也有趁机搞点一夜情、婚外恋什么的。
对于我来说，这些都没什么意思。我上网征婚，就是为了找个外国人结婚，最好是美国的，如果实在找不到美国的，其他英语国家的也凑合。
你肯定认为我长得不好看，找不到对象，所以才去上网征婚的。错，本人长得不说沉鱼落雁吧，至少当年也算我们系的系花。追我的人排长队，我虽然在学校也没闲着，也跟小屁孩谈过恋爱，但从来没有想到过要跟他们中的哪一个结婚，他们太嫩。
生活中，我们谈恋爱的是一些人，结婚的又是另外一些人。
根据资源配置原理，我才貌双全，属于优势资源，而那些男同学除了年轻，什么都没有。而年轻我并不稀罕，因为我自己就年轻。我要找一个在其他方面有优势的人(比如说，有美国身份，老美或者华人都行)来进行合理的资源配置。
我决定要上网征婚，就先做了一番调查研究。
我看了很多网友发的评价的帖子，还根据网站的点击率，选了个我认为人气最旺的英文网站上载了我的资料和照片。
那个网站看来确实比较受欢迎，因为我当天就收到了十多封 email。我逐一打开来看，大部分都是老外，也有华人，基本都发来了照片，看上去都挺不错的。
其中有个美籍华人相当不错，名叫健，比我大10岁，名校博士毕业，自己在洛杉矶开了一家科技公司，实力相当雄厚。据他后来告诉我，过两年他公司的股票就要拿到华尔街去上市了。健长得也很俊朗文秀，有点像现在中国正走红的偶像刘烨。而且还是未婚，没有任何拖累。他的条件无疑使他在所有的应征人里显得鹤立鸡群。
我没想到网络征婚这么有效，第一天就收了个盆满钵流，当下心里就乐开了花。健应该说是到那时为止我生命中遇到的最优秀的男人，我当然要全力以赴，紧紧抓住上帝向我伸出的这只手了。
给其他人的回信我都是用的群发邮件，只有给健的回信是精心炮制、单独发送的。
健也好像对我挺上心的，他马上就给我回了信，并询问什么时候给我打电话最方便。我也马上回复他，任何时候都方便，因为我是一个人住。
于是，在第二天晚上十点，他给我打来了电话。
健的声音很有礼貌，也很温柔，但似乎有点温柔得过了头，刚听起来的时候，使我觉得他好像有点娘娘腔。但这一丝不完美很快就被我忽略了，因为我们在电话里非常谈得来，不知不觉就聊了两个小时，直到他要去开会了，我们才依依不舍地挂线。
从此，我们开始了网上的热恋。每天早上他都要打个Morning Call来叫我起床，晚上一般是十点来钟打个电话来聊天，直到十二点我昏昏欲睡，他才会挂电话。
健很会体贴人，他总是要我注意睡觉的时候盖好被子，别着凉。但他自己却好像每天都没睡好，每次打电话几乎都在咳嗽。
我问他，你怎么身体好像不太好似的，怎么老是感冒？他调皮地回答我说，因为没有你帮我盖被子，所以我总是睡不好，又着凉了。
虽然我原来也算或多或少谈过一些恋爱，但这种甜蜜和被人宠着的感觉，是我从来没有经历过的。
我想，主要可能是因为我是把他作为结婚对象来交往的，有时候，目的不一样，感觉就会不同。
有一天，我一个朋友过生日，本来我吃完晚饭就要走，因为我想回去等健的电话。
但被朋友们生拉硬拽，一定要拖着我去唱卡拉OK。我实在推辞不过，就只好一起去了歌厅。
既然去了，我想，反正也接不到健十点钟打来的电话了，索性就来个尽兴而归，我一直唱到凌晨一点才意犹未尽地回到家。
回家一看，来电显示上已经显示从十点开始来了好几个国外电话，我赶快打开电脑，给健写了封email，向他报告了我已经回家，然后就去洗澡了。
我正洗着澡，全身都是肥皂泡的时候，电话响了。我知道，肯定是健接到我的email后打来的。
怕他不高兴，我满身的肥皂泡都来不及擦，直接就从浴室湿淋淋地冲到卧室接电话。
健的口气很不高兴，他说他每隔半个小时就给我家打一个电话，却一直没有人接。
我说，你干嘛不打我手机呢？我手机一直都带着的呀。
健沉吟了一下，说：“我怕你是跟别的男孩子在一起，那样我会不知道该怎么办。”然后，他不等我解释，就把电话给挂了。
放下电话，我匆匆忙忙地把澡洗完，然后又给健发了个email，再一次详细地把我当天的活动情形向他报告了一遍，竭力向他表白自己真的并没有其他男朋友，然后才沉沉睡去。
第二天一早，七点钟我就接到了健打来的电话，他的口气明显比头一天晚上缓和多了。
他告诉我，正巧有一个他可去可不去的、近期将在上海举行的国际研讨会邀请他参加。因为他在美国的事情很忙，走不开，本来已经决定要他的助手来开会。现在他决定亲自来开这个会，顺便跟我见面，问我是到北京方便还是到上海方便？因为他也要顺便去一趟北京。
我听健讲完以后，困意一下就全消了，高兴得要命。也想了一下，北京对我应该更合适，因为我是在北京读的书，不少同学都在北京，跟健见完面，我还可以顺便见见昔日的同窗好友，一举两得。
就这样，我和健约好一个星期之后在北京见面。他提前几天来中国，跟我见完面之后再去上海开会，我在他到北京的当天也从南昌飞去北京。
2002年9月底的某个周六，健从洛杉矶直飞北京。
中午到了以后，他在王府饭店住下了，当时我正在从南昌飞往北京的飞机上。我下了飞机，刚打开手机，就接到了健打来的电话，他的声音明显带着激动，告诉了我他住的房间号。
我也很激动，但只说了句“我大概一个小时后到”，就没话说了。
平时在电话里，我们总是滔滔不绝，反而到了真要见面的时候，我们都不知道要说点什么好。
也许，我们都想把话留到见面时再细细地说吧。
出租车很快就把我载到了王府饭店。我先去了一楼大堂的洗手间，仔细地把妆补过，把头发梳理整齐，确认一切都还比较满意以后，我才坐上电梯，来到了健所住的房间门前。
在门口，我再一次拿出粉盒照了照，觉得自己实在是光彩照人，才放心地摁下了门铃。
几乎没怎么等待，门就打开了，健满面笑容地出现在我眼前。
他看上去真的很英俊挺拔，一口在国内的人嘴里不常见到的雪白的牙齿闪烁着贝壳一样的光彩，气质不凡。唯一的遗憾就是，他好像有点过于秀气，说话又带点娘娘腔，有点奶油得过了头的味道。但即使有这个小缺点，他整个人仍然是相当出色的了。
健看见我，露出了惊喜的表情，当然，我也是。
我们刚开始的时候，说话还有点拘谨，不太放得开。寒暄了两句，健打开皮箱，从里面拿出一个很大的皮包，说是送给我的礼物，并要我打开看看喜不喜欢。
我打开一看，满满一大包全是Lanc o~me的化妆品，从护肤品到彩妆，一应俱全；皮包也是送给我的，是 Coach的。
这些礼物价值不菲，都是我平时很喜欢但又舍不得买的东西。可能我哪次在电话里聊天的时候提起过，没想到健都记在心里，他真是个有心的男人。
健又轻轻牵着我的手，我们来到房间中间的一扇门前，他把那扇门打开，带我走了过去。
我一看，已经走进了隔壁的另外一套房间，他告诉我，这套房间是给我订的，我们两个人晚上聊天的时候，可以从房间中间的这扇门出入，而不必要从走廊上穿行。如果我晚上把门锁上，他就不能进我的房间。当然，如果我要进他的房间的话，他那边的门不会上锁，永远为我打开。
说到这里，健用手轻轻地拥抱了我细细的肩膀一下，问我：“你会过来吗？”
出于女孩子的羞涩心理，我就是想过去，也不能在嘴上说出来，所以我就莞尔一笑，不置可否。
健可能一直憋着一口气在等我的答案，看我半天没回答，一口气没喘上来，又开始咳嗽起来。
我赶紧问他怎么了？要不要去帮他买点药？
健摇摇头，从他的行李里拿出一个包，打开来，里面全是花花绿绿的药瓶，他找出一瓶药，倒出两粒，用矿泉水把药送下。
吃完药，他好像好过了一些。对我解释，同时也像是对他自己解释，说：“年纪大了，身体越来越不好了。时差又没倒过来，今天中午到现在都没睡着，一想到就要跟你见面，我怎么睡得着？要不你现在回你房间去洗个澡，我也睡一下。吃晚饭的时候，我再叫你。”
我回到了套房的另一边，把中间的门锁上了。我当然很乐意让健好好休息一下，我也想趁此机会单独呆一会儿，好好消化消化这从天而降的好运气。
但我实在是睡不着，干脆洗了脸，用健送给我的Lanc o~me重新细细地化了妆，到底是世界名牌，效果就是不一样，镜子里的我看上去比原来又漂亮了几分。
快六点的时候，健敲我的门。
我把门打开，就看见他眼睛一亮，他退后一步，仔细地打量我道：“怎么几个小时不见，你变成小魔女了，这么漂亮？”
我看见他睡了一觉以后，气色好像好多了，也高兴地说：“是吗？你也是一样，你看上去精神好多了。”
我们一起去了北京最贵的顺风海鲜酒楼吃饭。健到底是赚美金的，要我想吃什么就随便点，不要在乎价钱。
高级饭店的气氛当然好，服务也周到，我们两个人还喝了瓶红酒，在朦胧的灯光下，彼此脉脉含情地执手相看，一直喝到有点酒不醉人人自醉的境界了，我们才回去。
回去的路上，我们先没有打车，沿着北京宽敞的长安街，紧紧地搂住对方、相依相偎一路走着。我们觉得那天北京的夜色是如此美丽，那扑面而来的和煦的秋风，吹得我们心头暖洋洋的。
直到健咳嗽了，好像已经着凉了，我们才打了个的士，回到了王府饭店。
进了房间，健在我的面颊上轻轻地吻了一下，用嘴巴对着我的耳朵，热乎乎的口气吹着我耳边的鬓发，弄得我有点痒痒的感觉，问我：“你今晚会锁门吗？”
我借口怕痒痒，跑回了自己的房间，把门锁上。
然后用房间的电话打电话给健。健接了，一开口就说：“小调皮，我知道是你。”我跟他开玩笑，说：“知道是我，我是谁？”
健温柔地说：“你是我未来的妻子呀，可没听说妻子会把房门锁上，不让自己的丈夫过去的。”
我不想马上涉及这个问题，就故意打个哈欠道：“我喝醉了，困得不行，咱们明天早上见。”
健倒是挺绅士的，挂了电话以后，他没有再打过来，估计也睡了。
我却怎么也睡不着，我其实挺想跟健在一起的。但我不想一见面就这样，至少要再等一
天。因为我是想嫁给他做妻子，肯定得绷着点，别显得太随便了。没有一个男人会愿意娶一个随便的女人做老婆，即使娶了，以后也会怀疑她是不是跟别人也会这样。
因为一晚上胡思乱想，第二天我睡到十点多才起来，梳洗打扮好以后，我把中间的房门打开，进了健的房间。
他看样子早就起来了，正在手提电脑上看资料。看见我进来，他微笑着问我：“小懒猪睡醒了？饿了吗？”
我有点不好意思地一笑，摇摇头表示不饿。健看了一眼手表，说：“你不饿的话，我们就干脆等到中午去吃烤鸭吧。”
他关掉电脑，从床头柜上拿起数码相机，对我说：“这么好的太阳，咱们别浪费了，我帮你照相去。”
健的照相技术相当不错，从数码相机上的小屏幕看上去，我张张像都显得那么漂亮。我们又请路上的行人帮我们两个人照了几张合影，然后我们就去吃北京烤鸭。
吃完中饭，健硬拖着我去了赛特，说要给我买几件衣服。我不肯要，实在是受之有愧。
但健很坚决，他对我说：“你就要做我的妻子了，还分什么彼此呢？”不由分说就把我带到名牌区，要我随便挑。
既然健坚决要我买，而且名牌区的衣服又实在吸引人，我就试了几件，件件都是那么好看。
从试衣间出来，我正准备挑一件最满意的留下，健已经对着售货员说：“都给我包起来。”我吓了一跳，这得好几万块钱呢。
健根本就不管价钱，拿着单子就刷信用卡去了。
那个售货小姐带着既羡慕又嫉妒的口吻问我：“他是你男朋友？对你好得简直不像话，你的命真好！”
我也美滋滋的，这真是我前世修来的福气！
提着大包小包，我们回了酒店。一进门，我就累得往床上一倒，先舒展一下疲乏的双腿。
没想到健也把脸俯在了我脸上，他先是小心翼翼地试着吻了我的嘴唇一下，看我没有拒绝，然后就开始热烈地拥吻我，使我透不过气来，然后他上下其手，我也确实喜欢他，于是在那个秋日的午后，我们成了秦晋之好。
完了以后，我们拥抱着很久都没说话，尽情呼吸着空气中洋溢着的甜蜜的气息。
我突然醒过来，说：“糟糕，我不知道是不是危险期。”
健开玩笑地说：“那正好，你就怀着小Baby来美国好了。”
我还是比较怕，就说：“你休息一下，我去买避孕药。”
健说要陪我去，被我拒绝了，主要是怕药店的人看见我们两个人会有人赃俱获的感觉。
我一个人匆匆出了酒店，就近找到一家药房，买了紧急避孕药“毓婷”。
想了想，我又买了一盒安全套。
一回到房间，健睡得正香。我把紧急避孕药吃了，又洗了个澡。
刚出浴室的门，就被健一把抱到了床上，又是一番极尽缠绵。在关键时刻，我拿出了安全套。
到了晚上八点钟了，我俩还在床上，肚子饿得不行了。我们打开送餐服务指南，叫服务生来送餐，又要了一瓶红酒。
服务生很快就把东西送来了，还送来了一枝娇艳欲滴的红玫瑰。
健给我倒上红酒，并把玫瑰花送给我，深情地问我：“你愿意嫁给我，让我一辈子照顾你吗？”
我的脸红了，不知是因为幸福还是因为酒精。我幸福得不知说什么好，眼泪悄然地从我的眼睛里滑落。
那天晚上，我们躺在床上，把窗帘布拉开，看着天上圆圆的月亮，我们一起数着星星。
健对我说：“月亮再圆三次，就是圣诞节了。我圣诞节去南昌看你，顺便把办K1签证的申请表带去，这样明年上半年你就能到美国来和我结婚了。”
第二天中午，健就离开北京，坐飞机去上海开会了。
他多交了一天的房费，让我叫上我大学一个要好的女同学敏来陪我住，好好叙叙旧。
敏下午来了，她一进房间，就直嚷嚷：“好啊，傍了个大款吧，住这么高级的饭店。”
我得意地拿出和健合影的照片给她看，并告诉她，健是从美国来的。
敏看了照片，也一个劲地夸健有气质、有派儿。末了，她开玩笑地对我说：“找美国人可得小心点，别被传染了艾滋病就完蛋了。”
虽然敏是开玩笑的，可我知道她肯定是嫉妒我，所以才这么酸不溜秋的。这么好的男朋友，搁谁都得嫉妒死。
我第二天就回了南昌，健在上海开完会以后也直接回了美国。
他一回到美国，马上就给我打来了电话，他兴奋地告诉我，他妈妈看了我的照片以后非常满意，催他快点把我娶到美国去，她老人家想快点抱上孙子。
我也很想快点去，可起码也得再等两三个月，等圣诞节健到了南昌以后，才能着手这件事。
我马上上网，把我的征婚资料给删除了，然后发email告诉了健。
健立即打来了电话，对我的态度表示十分满意，从此我们每天发email和打电话的次数就更勤了。
十一月初的时候，健突然有两天没跟我联系，我发email他也不回。
我着急得要命，怕他出了什么事，家里的电话又没开通国际长途功能，也没办法打电话给他。赶快跑出去买了张电话卡，正准备打电话给他的时候，他打电话来了。
接到健的电话，我都哭了。
健温柔地问我，为什么会哭？
我告诉他，我以为他不要我了。
健咳嗽了两声，说他这两天病了，发了两天低烧，连公司都没去，一直在家躺着睡觉，整个人昏昏沉沉的，所以没办法打电话给我。
我关心地问他，为什么不去看医生？
健说这是老毛病了，看医生也没什么用，估计是太累了，没休息好，所以睡睡就好了。
我突然想起敏跟我开玩笑说的话，再联想到健确实有点娘娘腔，于是我开玩笑对健说：“你不会是得了艾滋病吧？艾滋病就是从美国发现的，你那么温柔，说不定原来是同性恋。”
健听了我的话以后，明显愣住了，但只有几秒钟的时间，接着他就哈哈大笑道：“那绝不可能！你的小脑袋瓜想得可真多。”
接下来的几天一切如旧，健依然每天发几封email，打几个电话给我。
大约两个星期以后，他又消失了，有整整一个星期没跟我联系。
我急坏了，发了无数封email给他都没回音。最后我打电话给他，但他所有的电话都没人接，办公室、家里、还有手机，我都打了，全部都是留言。
没办法，我只好在每个电话上都留了言。我也不知道他公司其他的电话和他秘书的电话，只知道他办公室的专线。
这时候，我才发现，其实这段爱情是如此脆弱，仅仅靠一根电缆在维系，如果电缆断了，爱情也就不见了。
那一阵，我都快疯了，每天上班的时候，就是坐在那儿发呆，脑子里全部都是关于健另寻新欢的各种画面，我肯定被抛弃了！男人都是始乱终弃的坏蛋，没一个好人！自己全心地付出，得到的却是这样一个结果。
健完全消失的日子大约有二十来天吧，我还是不放弃，坚持每天给他发email，最后因为他的邮箱爆满，我的email都被退了回来。
我知道没什么希望了，日子离圣诞节越来越近了，健依然没有消息。
我每天晚上坐在房间里，一动不动地看着电话机，但电话上再也没有显示过有国外的来电。
有一天，半夜三四点钟，我的电话突然响了。
我惊醒过来，一看来电显示是国外的，赶紧拿起话筒，但没有人说话。我知道是健，于是忍不住哭起来了。
健可能不忍心听见我哭泣，终于开口了。
我马上把问题像连珠炮一样抛了出来，问他为什么要这样害我，让我着急？
健叹了一口好长的气，对我说：“我自己也快死了，我得了艾滋病。”
天啊！我被他的话吓住了，但我当时还只想到了他的健康，并没马上想到自己的安危。
健又说：“我现在的人生都是灰色的，干什么都没意义了。公司我也不管了，命都快没了，还要钱做什么？谢谢你提醒我，我才去检查的艾滋病。发现得早的话，我还能多活几年。我本来不想再跟任何人联系了，都完全没有意义了。可是我想到你跟我有过一次接触，我已经帮你问了医生，医生说一次就传染的几率非常小，但你应该还是去做一个抗HIV的检测，如果你不幸也被感染了，我就回中国来和你相依为命呆在一起度过余生。如果你没被感染，我们就分手吧，你还有机会找到新的幸福。”说完，他不等我的回答，就把电话给挂了。
放下电话，有好几分钟我还没回过神来。
我首先想到的是，健不要我了，我去不了美国了。然后我才想到艾滋病，天啊，我有可能已经感染了艾滋病？！
我整个人都懵了，那就意味着被命运宣判了死刑！
我对艾滋病并不太了解，只是有点模糊的印象，好像是致命的，又是被别人看不起的病。
我打了个冷战，在生死关头，我才发现健康远远比去美国重要。我马上从床上起来，顾不上寒冷，打开电脑，上网搜查关于艾滋病的资讯。
这一查，吓得我半死。艾滋病原来是这么恐怖的一件事，至今全世界还无药可治。一次无防范的性接触就有可能感染，而且女性由于生理结构的原因，比男性更容易被感染。
我惊呆了，我肯定被感染了！我活着一点意义都没有了，我还没有结婚，也没有孩子，却因为一次失误，要永远被剥夺所有美好的生存权利！最后全身腐烂而死，死了以后还不得安宁，别人会指指点点地说，看，那个不自重的女孩子跟外国人睡觉，美国没去成，把命都搭上了，真贱！
我不由得号啕大哭起来，世界一片黑暗。
我呆呆地坐在被子里，一直到东方发白脑子里还是一片空白。
也根本就不记得上班这件事了，直到我们科长打电话来问我：是不是病了，怎么没来上班？我才醒了过来，我向科长请了假，决定去省卫生防疫站检查。
我用了个化名抽的血，抽血的护士如临大敌，全身都穿戴着防毒衣，手套就戴了两层，使我更觉得艾滋病是一种令人闻风丧胆的绝症。
检测结果要一个星期以后才能出来，但我只等了一天就根本上快崩溃了。我满脑子全部都是我肯定已经感染了艾滋病的结论，而且越来越绝望。第二天正好是12月1日，国际艾滋病日。电视里铺天盖地都是关于艾滋病的各种消息，我越看越怕，开始想到自杀。
我整夜整夜地睡不着，开始在网上搜索各种自杀的办法，我一定要自杀！不能让别人知道我得了艾滋病。
我把自杀的各种办法都打印下来了，准备一旦结果出来，真的被确诊我感染了艾滋病毒，我就马上自杀。
我请了假不去上班了，回去看了一趟爸爸妈妈。
我看到他们满头的白发，却马上就要白发人送黑发人，不禁悲从中来，躲到厕所里哭了。
回到我自己的宿舍以后，我开始整理东西，写遗书。
把这些事情都办好以后，我开始琢磨到底哪种自杀的办法最有效又最不痛苦，甚至连自杀的地点和时间都想好了。
一切都准备就绪，只等着检测结果一出来，我就开始实施自杀。
拿结果的日子终于到了，我已经连续三天基本上没有睡觉了。
那天早上，我六点就出发，往省卫生防疫站一路走过去。我不想坐车，我需要时间好好做一下心理准备。
路上，往事像放电影一样，一幕幕在我的脑海里闪过。
我想到了我悲剧的根源，就在于不想付出艰苦的劳动，不想自己去奋斗，却寄希望于靠别人、靠婚姻来改变命运。命运却给了我一个猝不及防的打击，一下就宣判了我的死刑，连一个改正错误的机会都不给我。
等到了防疫站门口，我反而不再紧张了。因为我已经把所有的事情都想好了，所以反而变得坦然。
检测结果就放在检测室窗口的小篮子里，我用颤抖的手拿到了我自己的化验单。
阴性！什么？阴性！我没有感染艾滋病毒？我的泪水一下夺眶而出，我是阴性！那一刻，阳光变得重新灿烂起来，我的人生还有希望！
不听话的眼泪刷刷地往下流，这是死里逃生的、狂喜的眼泪。
我想，当一个死刑犯被拖上刑场正法，当枪声在耳边响过，却发现自己没被打死，还活着，只是个来陪绑的，只要老实交代，就还有一条活路时，流的就是这样的眼泪。
但我马上又开始怀疑结果了，准确吗？两个月的窗口(潜伏)期刚过，是不是现在还查不出来呢？
我拿着化验单冲进了医生办公室，问医生：“这个结果肯定吗？我才刚刚过了两个月的窗口期，是不是病毒还没发作？”
医生可能见多了这种问题，他微笑着回答我道：“肯定准确。两个月的窗口期完全够了，你要不放心的话，一个月以后再来测一次吧，但应该没问题。从理论上来说，一次性接触的感染几率是千分之一，但以后一定要注意，任何一次都有可能就是那个千分之一。”
我稍微放下了心，决定一个月以后再去检查一次。
我下午就上班去了，但心里的担子并没完全放下。
我在那一个月里，基本上就是上网查各种艾滋病的病例和去图书馆查各种医学资料。我对艾滋病已经完全了解了，而且几乎成了专家。
过了一个月，我又查了一次，还是阴性，可以肯定我没有感染艾滋病毒了。
我又想到了健，多好的人啊，如果他愿意的话，我都不嫌弃他有病，依然照顾他，只要采取好防范措施就行了。
我给他写了一封长email，向他表明心迹。
同时，我开始着手准备考 GRE、考 TOEFL，我想去美国的研究生院读心理学。研究方向就是艾滋病患者的心理咨询。
健一直没有给我回信，不过这个结果是我早就想到了的。我依然隔几天就给他发一封email，告诉他我生活的种种计划和细节，这些信再没被退回来过。
我想，健应该都看到了。
刻苦学习了一年多以后，我顺利地考过了TOEFL和GRE，我马上申请了加州的几所大学，并且都被录取了，而且都是全奖。
因为健在洛杉矶，所以最后我选择了现在这所位于洛杉矶的大学。
等待录取和签证花了一年的时间，所以我在2005年来到了健所在的城市——洛杉矶。
我来美国后的第一件事就是给健打电话，但这些电话都已经全部停止使用了。
我安顿好之后的第一个周末就按照健原来给我留下的地址去找他，公司已经换了别家，房子也是住的一户白人。
我再也联系不到他了，我也不知道任何他的朋友或者家人的电话，只有等待，等待他跟我联系。
我一直还是用的原来那个邮箱地址，因为我怕健有一天会给我写信，也许他还活着，也许他已经死了。但也许某一天我会收到他从天堂发来的email，告诉我，天堂的人永远都不会得艾滋病。
记者后记：
“风雨飘萍”凄婉的网络爱情故事不禁让我潸然泪下。
她无疑是坚强的，可结局却是如此凄凉。我能想像到“风雨飘萍”在回忆和健的点点滴滴时，那曾经的一幕幕将她的心一点一点地撕裂，而她就涕泪交加地在这片残酷的回忆中浮沉着，并心碎着。
健还好吗？如果他还活着，也许某天会感动于“风雨飘萍”一直给他发email，而突然出现。
也许他永远都不会再出现了，但会在天堂里睁着善良的眼睛，默默地注视着“风雨飘萍”。并在上帝面前许下心愿，来世他们再相遇。
11 years http://book.sina.com.cn 2008 on 21 studies on Sina 18:40
The article from the "marriage network: the network of transnational marriage Record of Oral"
The book: author of the book in the United States is a "Chinese" Chinese Journal of the work of the editor, the network is also married into marriage in the United States Qin Lizhe. She interviewed dozens of online marriage married into the United States to the Chinese bride, as well as the network returned to each of the Chinese-American marriage. Record use of oral way to record their stories. Realistic story, the circumstances of ups and downs. Among the well-being of marriage, there is a smooth, but there are also deceived regret the ... ... [serial content]
At one time, each of the health of the eyes, every word I have brought great joy; he used his warmth and love, I lit a young life, and I did this in order to maximize the burning love and passion, have To all of the ashes.
I am a very proud people, or even conceited. I had always thought that I was a genius, always know that the short-cut, spent very little effort to get the most out of earnings.
I would be very small to large school, how did the basic hard, smooth admitted to a Beijing's elite. We have very strong atmosphere of the school, junior, senior, we are basically students GTER (sustenance, this is the coin of the Chinese students words, intended to test GRE, the TOEFL test), chickens (test GRE) Cauto (TOEFL) as a trend.
Staff, students almost a Red Book (New Oriental School of word-GRE), even to walk, eat, have been levied to mouth the words back in order to apply for study abroad is, of course, most of the cattle are able to get the United States The Offer.
In that environment, under the influence, of course, I would like to leave the country. But I do not want to be tired and sweat streaming to Cauto chickens, the test is passed, it will certainly not get Offer, Furthermore, even if obtained Offer, do not necessarily get a visa. The youth are wasted on top of that, so not worth the.
I am pondering a path that is directly married to an American, so the earliest, and will have 100 per visa.
But I read in college, this program does not lead to action. Mainly due to the lack of private computer (we pool together our bedroom and bought a computer), the call is not easy, but there are cell phones, where there where people do not speak easily. Anyway, I was not, the matter is not urgent, so I decided to graduate later.
I graduated in 2002, Beijing did not find acceptance in the unit, but had no choice but to return to Nanchang, when the civil service.
No work down to business, is essential to drink tea, read newspapers, as if Sishuiyitan. Fortunately, welfare unit also is true that I am a person of the hostel, so I immediately bought a computer and started my journey on-line marriage.
In fact, quite popular on-line marriage, the Internet will know at all. But most people are engaged in any so-called "same city" and the like, have seized the opportunity to engage in one-night stand point, what the affair.
To me, all these mean nothing. I online marriage is to get married to foreigners, it is best to the United States, if it can not find the United States and other English-speaking countries also make do.
I'm sure that you are not look good, can not find the target, so access to the marriage. Wrong, I am Chenyulayan said it does not grow, then at least we still line the Jihua. I am up long lines of people, although I did not idle in the school, talked with Xiao Pihai love, but never thought they want to get married in which they too tender.
Life, we love that some people, is married to others.
According to the principle of resource allocation, I have this and that Cai Mao, the advantages of belonging to the resources, in addition to those young boys, nothing. Young and I do not care, because I own on the young. I want to look for an edge in other areas there are people (for example, in his capacity as the United States, the United States or the old Chinese will do) for a reasonable allocation of resources.
I have decided to access to marriage, first on a lot of research.
I have seen a lot of friends made the evaluation of the post, according to the Web site hits, I think the election of the most popular Web site in English upload my photos and information.
It seems that a more popular site, because on that day I received a letter over email. I opened one by one, most of them are foreigners, but also Chinese, are basically made to the photos, looks good hang.
One American has a pretty good by the name of health, than I was 10 years old, graduated from University Dr., Los Angeles, his company opened a science and technology, the strength of a fairly solid. It was then he told me he had two years, the company's stock should get Wall Street to the market. Jian is also very much longer Toshiro Wenxiu, China is now a bit like the popular idol Liu Ye. But also unmarried, there is no drag. His condition will no doubt make him all the candidates who appeared in a crane standing among chickens.
I did not expect such a marriage network in force on the first day of the resumption of a huge basin flow, was present on the music flowered. It should be said that health is that time of my life so far encountered in the best of men, of course, I have to go all out to seize the Lord told me it's out of hand.
To other people I reply with all the bulk mail, only to the health of the letter is well-cooked, individually sent.
Kenya seems to me quite the body center, he immediately gave me back a letter and asked when I called to the most convenient. I immediately reply to him at any time convenient, because I am a person to live.
As a result, 22 o'clock the next day, he gave me a phone call.
Kin's voice is polite, very gentle, but it seems a bit too far too soft, just sounds, so I think he is just like a little sissy. However, this ray of imperfect soon I was ignored because we are able to talk to the phone, unknowingly on talk for two hours to go until he had a meeting that we are sorry to see and hung up.
From then on, we started the on-line love. Every morning he must make a Morning Call me to get up at night is generally 10:00 minutes to make a phone call to chat, I sleep until 12 o'clock, he would hang phone.
Kin will be a very considerate person, he always wanted me to pay attention to sleep when quilt cover, do not catch cold. However, he did not seem to sleep every day, almost every phone call in a cough.
I asked him, how do you body does not seem to like, how is always cold? He replied playfully, as you did not help me Gaibei Zi, so I always sleep well, and the cold.
Although I had spoken to a number of more or less still in love, but it was sweet and Chong Zhao feeling is I have never experienced before.
I think the main may be because I am his spouse as to the contacts, and sometimes the purpose is different, the feeling will be different.
One day, my friends, a birthday, I had eaten dinner to go on because I wanted to go back to health, such as the telephone.
However, the Shenglayingzhuai friends, I must be dragged to karaoke OK. I really do decline, however, as long as they can go to the bar.
Since the last, I would like to, in any case does not receive health ten o'clock call, simply on the 000 to go and enjoy, I have been Changdao 1:00 before returning home to something more to say.
I go home, have been on display caller ID from 10:00 to start a number of foreign calls, I quickly opened the computer, health wrote to the email, reported to him that I have a home, and then went to the bath.
I was trying to wash the bath, body soap bubble all the time, the phone rang. I know that certainly health of the email I received after the call.
Afraid he was not happy, I covered all the time to rub soap directly on the dripping wet from the bathroom into the bedroom to answer the phone.
Kin upset tone, he said he gave half an hour at my house one phone call, but no one has been received.
I said, why do not you hit me this phone? I have been with the cell phone you.
Kin pondered a moment and said: "I am afraid you are together with the other boys, as I do not know how to do." He then explained that my range, they phone to hang up.
To lay down their phone, I rushed to the shower washing, and then gave Jian made a one email, once again in detail the activities of the day I reported to him the situation again, he was at pains to express themselves and really have no other boyfriend Before heavy sleep.
Early the next morning, seven o'clock, I received a call from the health, and his tone than the first night more relaxed.
He told me that he happened to have a go can not, will be held in Shanghai in the near future of an international seminar to be invited to participate. In the United States because he's too busy to do, get away, have decided to have his aides to the meeting. Now he decided to open himself to the will, incidentally, to meet with me, I was asked to Beijing or Shanghai to facilitate easy? By the way he should go to Beijing.
I listen to Jian finished, click on the Italy-wide storm of extinction, happy lives. Xiangleyixia also, Beijing should be more suitable for me, because I am reading a book in Beijing, many students are in Beijing, with Kin See End face, I could see the way old friends of friends, do both.
In this way, and I made an appointment for a week after health in Beijing. He came to China a few days ahead of schedule, I see with the finished surface again after the Shanghai meeting, I went to Beijing the same day he also flew from Beijing, Nanchang.
By the end of September 2002 on a Saturday, the health Beijing non-stop from Los Angeles.
By noon, he stay at the Palace Hotel, I was flying to Beijing from Nanchang aircraft. I have a plane, just open the phone, they received a call from the health, his voice clear with emotion, told me he's living room.
I am very excited, but only said something "I'm about an hour after that," on a huge wave.
Usually on the phone, we are always in full flight, but to really want to meet, we do not know to say something good.
Perhaps, we all want to stay, then meet again to talk in detail.
I took a taxi will soon set up Palace Hotel. I would first go to the toilet on the first floor of the lobby, carefully fill the makeup, hair neatly combed, confirmed that everything is quite satisfactory, I only got into the elevator, came to the health of the living room in front.
At the door, I once again come up as compact as a, feel it is brilliant, only peace of mind to snap a doorbell.
How little waiting, and opened the door, all smiles, appeared on the health front of me.
He looked really handsome and tall and straight, a person's mouth at home to the rare snow-white teeth flashing light, like a shell, great temperament. The only regret is that he seems to be a bit too delicate, and speak a bit sissy, a bit too much butter flavor. But even this small drawback, as a whole, he is still very good.
I saw Jian, revealed the expression of surprise, of course, I am also.
We have just started, the words still cautious, less Fangde Kai. Greetings of two health open cartons from the inside to come up with a big purse, I said to give the gift, and I have to look at the open like it or not.
I opened it, a big bag full of all Lanc o ~ me of cosmetics, skin care products from the make-up, self-contained; also gave me the purse, is the Coach.
These valuable gifts are usually like, but I want to buy things. I may be times where the phone to chat when filed, did not expect that all health in mind, he's a man's heart.
Kin and gently holding my hand, we came in the middle of a room in front of him to open the door, I went with.
I saw, has entered another room next door, he told me that this is the room I have to set our two people to chat in the evening, from the middle of the room from the door, and from the unnecessary Through the corridor. If I locked the door in the evening, he will not be able to enter my room. Of course, if I have to enter his room, he's over there will not lock the door, always open for me.
Having said that, Kin hand gently hugged me in detail about the shoulder and asked me: "You will come?"
The shy girl out of psychology, I would like in the past, we can not say it in the mouth, so I smiled, not express an opinion.
Kin may have been Biezhe breath waiting for my answer, I can not answer a half-day, did not catch up in one breath, and started to cough up.
I asked him how the rush? Do not want something to help him?
Kin shook his head from his luggage, to come up with a package to open, there are all the colorful bottles, to find him a bottle of medicine, poured 2, the mineral water used to send medicine to the next.
After drugs, he seemed to be better than some. Explained to me, as well as his own explanation, said: "The older, a growing body of the poor. Do not have time the other way round, at noon today to not fall asleep now, I think it is necessary to meet with you I Shui Dezhao how? Or you are now back to your room to take a bath, and I like to sleep. Dinner, I invite you to. "
I returned to the suite on the other side of the door in the middle of the last. Of course I am very happy to have good health break, I would also like to take this opportunity to stay separate for a while, to digest it properly digest the mythical good luck.
But I really can not sleep, just Xile Lian, Jian sent me Lanc o ~ me to re-Hua Lezhuang detail, is the world's famous brands in the end, the effect is not the same, I looked in the mirror than the original and beautiful A few minutes.
Quick six-point, I knock on the door of health.
I opened the door, his eyes to see that he take a step back, I looked carefully: "not see how a few hours, you become a Witch small, so beautiful?"
I saw he slept, like Qi Sehao much better, I am also pleased to say: "Really? Is the same as you, you look much better spirit."
We went to Beijing together with the wind the most expensive seafood restaurant for dinner. Kin in the end is to make the U.S., want to eat what I want to be on the point, do not care about the price.
High hotel, of course, good atmosphere, attentive service, we also drank two bottles of red wine, in the dim light, the tenderness between Feelings congratulating each other and see they have been drinking a little wine does not intoxicate people from the realm of a drunk, We have to go back.
On the way back, we did not play the first car, along Beijing's Changan Avenue spacious, tightly round the other side, Xiangyixiangwei walked all the way. We feel that the day of the Beijing night is so beautiful, warm autumn wind will blow against our faces, the harder our hearts warm.
Kin until the cough, seems to have a cold, we caught a taxi to return to the Palace Hotel.
Into the room, and living on my cheek gently kissed with their mouths in front of my ears, blowing warm tone of my ear hair on the temples, made me feel a little itch, I asked: "Do you this Evening locked the door? "
I fear an excuse itch, back to his room, locked the door.
And then use the room phone to call health. Jian then, I began to say: "naughty, I know you are." I joked with him, said: "I know, Who am I?"
Kin said softly: "You are my future wife, you can not hear his wife locked the door would not let her husband's past."
I do not want to immediately involved in the issue, intentionally playing on a yawn: "I am drunk, not a hardship, we see tomorrow morning."
Jian Ting was a gentleman and hung up the phone, he did not come again, it is estimated that also went to sleep.
But also how I can not sleep, I would like very fact Kin together. But I do not want to meet one on the way, at least have to wait for a
Days. I would like to be married to his wife, a Bengzhe sure, the other appears to be too casual. A man will not marry a woman not his wife to do, even if married, and later will not doubt that she was with someone else so be it.
On the one night thinking, the next day I sleep until 10 o'clock and more, well washed up, I open the door to the middle, into the health of the room.
He looked up long ago, are hand-held computer information point of view. I see that coming in, he smiled and asked me: "Lanzhu to awaken? Hungry?"
I am a bit embarrassed smile, shook his head, said hungry. Kin-watches look, said: "You're hungry, then we simply wait until noon to go to duck it."
He switched off the computer, from the bedside cabinet to take up a digital camera, said: "such a good sun, we do not waste my camera to help you."
Kin of good photography, digital cameras from the small screen look, I like Zhang appeared so beautiful. We have also requested the pedestrian on the road to help two of us as a few pictures, and then we will go to Beijing roast duck.
After lunch, I pulled hard Jian went to the Insight, said Mai Jijian give me clothes. I am not willing to really do not deserve it by.
But health is very strong, he said to me: "You do on my wife, and also at what each other?" I had to Buyoufenshui famous district, I just want to pick.
Now that I am determined to buy health, and the District of brand-name clothing is also attractive, I tried a few things, things are so good-looking pieces.
From the fitting room, I was ready to pick one of the most satisfied with the left, a saleswoman at Kin has said: "I gave up package." I am shocked that this right does tens of thousands of dollars.
Life is simply no matter the price, with a brush on the list to a credit card.
Shouhuoxiaojie that with both envy and jealousy tone asked me: "He is your boyfriend? Hello to the simply outrageous, you have the good life!"
I Mei Zizi, and this is my previous life to repair a blessing!
Least in a shopping spree, we are back to the hotel. A door, I go to bed I was so tired, tired look to stretch the legs.
Kenya did not expect face down in my face, he was careful to try to kiss my lips look, I do not refuse, and then began to warm to clinch me, I am suffocating, and then he cheated I also really like him, so in that autumn afternoon, we became good Qin Jin.
After the end we hugged for a long time with no one to speak, play hard to breathe in the air was filled with the sweet flavor.
I suddenly wake up, said: "The worst, I do not know is not dangerous phase."
Kin-jokingly said: "That is, you come to the United States with a small Baby better."
I was afraid of comparison, said: "You get some rest, I buy contraceptives."
Kin to accompany me, I was turned down, mainly because of the pharmacy, we see two people who will feel Renzangjuhuo.
I am a man rushed out of the hotel, find a nearby pharmacy and bought emergency contraception, "Yu Ting."
Thought, I bought a box of condoms.
A return to the room, sleep is Hong Jian. I ate an emergency contraceptive, a bath to wash.
Gangchu the bathroom door, was to hold a health bed, is doing something lingering. At a critical moment, I come up with a condom.
By 20:00 o'clock, we were still in bed hungry stomach to die. We opened the room service guide, called room service was born, but also a bottle of red wine.
Health services will soon put things sent also sent a Jiaoyanyudi of red roses.
Kin to me on the back of red wine and roses sent to me with deep emotion that I am asked: "Will you marry me, let me take care of your whole life?"
I blush, I do not know is that the well-being or because of alcohol. I was happy I do not know what else I can say, quietly tears from my eyes down.
That night, we lie on the bed, the curtains open, watching the moon in the sky round, to join us in a number of stars.
Jian said: "The moon and then three times a round, is a Christmas. I Nanchang Christmas to you, the way to do K1 visa application form to take, so in the first half of next year you will be able to come to the United States and I am married. "
At noon the next day, Jian left Beijing, Shanghai, to meet the plane.
He paid more than a one-day room rate, let me call on me to be a good female university students I live Lai Pei-Min, Xu Xujiu good.
Min came in the afternoon, she entered the room, talking straight: "Well, let along a big, live in such high-class hotel."
I am proud to come up with health and posed for pictures to show her and tell her health from the United States.
Min saw photos, and Jian Yi Gejin to boast a temperament, there were children. Finally, she jokingly said to me: "Americans can find a careful, do not be infected by AIDS on the finished."
Although Min is a joke, I know that she can be sure I was jealous, so why not slip acid in the autumn. Such a good boyfriend, no one put a dead jealous.
The next day I went back to Nanchang, Shanghai survived to finish after a direct return to the United States.
He returned to the United States, immediately called me on the phone, he excitedly told me that his mother after seeing my pictures are very satisfied, I urge him to hurry up Qudao to the United States, the elderly, she would like to quickly hold on Grandchildren.
I want to go quickly, can at least have to wait another two or three months, and so on Christmas Day in the Life of Nanchang, in order to proceed with the matter.
I immediately available on the Internet to my marriage to the information removed, and then made an email to tell health.
Kin immediately call on the phone to me very satisfied with the attitude that, from this day, we made a phone call and email the number is even more of the ground.
Early in November, the health of a sudden there are no two days with me, he does not email me back.
I was worried to death, afraid of what happened to him, the home opened to international long-distance phone has no function, there is no way to call him. Zhang immediately ran out to buy a phone card, is preparing to call him, he had to call.
Kin received the phone, I cried.
Kin gently asked me why cry?
I told him I thought I had him not to.
Kin of cough twice, the last two days that he was sick, made a low-grade fever for two days, even companies not to have been lying down to sleep at home, a man fell away and that there was no way to call me.
I am concerned, he asked, why not see a doctor?
Jian said that this was the Lao Maobing, a doctor has no use, it is estimated that it is too tired, did not rest well, so Shuishui be just fine.
I think all of a sudden Min joked with me, and then think of health is indeed a bit like a sissy, I joked to the health, said: "You is not got AIDS, right? From the United States, AIDS is found, then you gently, maybe it was Gay. "
Kin after listening to my words, obviously shocked, but only a few seconds, and then he laughed: "It is absolutely impossible! Your little head like a melon may be more true."
The next few days as all the old, Kin-fat per day is still several letters email, a few telephone calls to me.
About two weeks after he disappeared, a full week of no contact with me.
I am anxious does not work, the numerous letters he did not reply to the email. Finally, I called him, but all he has nobody answered the phone, office, home, and cell phone, I have played, all messages.
No way, I had no choice but to everyone in the phone have to stay a statement. I do not know the other company he and his Secretary of the phone calls, only know that he's Office of the green.
At this time, I found, in fact, this love is so fragile, alone in a cable to maintain that if the cable broke, love will be gone.
That for a while, I'm crazy, to go to work every day, is sitting there in a daze, his mind on all health to find new love of all kinds of pictures, I am sure that was abandoned! Shiluanzhongqi men are the bad guys, not a good man! Their whole-hearted efforts to get a result but this is the case.
Kin disappeared about 20 days to day, and I still do not give up, daily, to issue him with email, his last full-mail, my email has been returned.
I know a little hope, from the days of Christmas drawing near, the health message has not.
Every night I sat in the room, motionless looking at the telephone, but the phone did not show that there have been calls from abroad.
One day, three or four o'clock in the middle of the night, my phone rang suddenly.
I woke up and saw the caller ID is abroad, quickly picked up the microphone, but no one to speak. I know that health is so can not help but cry again.
Kin may not have the heart to hear my cry, finally opening up.
I'll be right to bombard the same problem as throwing out, asked him why I want to do harm, let me worry?
Kin has a long sigh of gas, said to me: "I will soon die, I had AIDS."
God! I was frightened him, but I was still only think of his health, did not immediately think of their own safety.
Jian said: "I am now in life is gray, do not meaningless. I do regardless of the company, almost no life, the money would also like to do? Thank you for reminding me, I have to check AIDS. Found early, I can live. I did not want to talk to the contact anyone, are totally meaningless. But I think you and I had a contact, I have to help you ask the doctor, the doctor said On a very small risk of infection, but you should still do an anti-HIV test if you are unfortunate enough to have been infected, I will come back to China and Xiangyiweiming you stay with the rest of his life. If you are not infected, we Fen Shouba on, you still have to find new opportunities for the well-being. "Finished, he answered my range, put the phone to hang.
To lay down their phone, I have not Huiguoshenlai several minutes.
First of all, I think, I do not health, and I can not go to the United States. Then I think of AIDS, God, I might have been infected with AIDS? !
I have to rip the whole, it means that the fate of being sentenced to death!
I do not know much about AIDS and only a little vague impression seems to be fatal, is being looked down on the disease.
I caught the cold war, life and death, I found that health is much lower than those important to the United States. I'll be right out of bed, can not attend to the cold, open the computer, Internet search information on AIDS.
The investigation, I am scared half to death. AIDS was such a terrible thing, so far the world has no cure. No one's guard against possible infection through sexual contacts, and women because of the physical structure of the reasons, men are more likely to be infected.
I was shocked, I was definitely infected! I do not sense that life, I have not married, no children, but because of a mistake, we should never be deprived of the right to life all the better! Finally decomposed body died, died after also rest in peace, other people will be saying too much to say, that no self-respecting girl to sleep with foreigners, the United States did not go into the fate of the catch are really cheap!
I could not help but howl, a world of darkness.
I afford to be sitting in the yard until the white Oriental mind or a blank space.
Also do not remember the matter to go to work, until we called to head asked me: Is it sick, how not to go to work? I woke up from my head to the Qing Lejia, decided to go to the provincial epidemic prevention station inspection.
I used the assumed name of pumping blood, the blood of nurses on its guard, wearing full-body anti-wear clothing, wearing gloves on a two-story, so I think AIDS is an incurable disease of the panic-stricken.
Test results should be out a week later, but I just waited for a day on a fundamental collapse of the fast. I am full of all, I am sure, have been infected with the AIDS conclusions, and more and more desperate. The next day happened to be on December 1, the International AIDS Day. TV is overwhelming variety of information on AIDS, I am afraid of these figures, to start thinking of suicide.
I can not sleep all night long and all night, began to search the Internet for a variety of ways to commit suicide, I have to commit suicide! Can not let other people know that I had AIDS.
I have various ways to commit suicide over the print, to prepare once the results come out, really I was diagnosed infected with HIV, I will immediately commit suicide.
Qing Lejia I do not go to work, go back and read the trip to parents.
I saw them the white haired, white people are going to send black people can not help but feel sadness welling up, hid in the toilet to cry.
I return to their quarters after finishing what I started, Xie Yishu.
These things are good, I began pondering what in the end the most effective way to suicide and the least painful and even suicide place and time it wants.
Everything in place and are just waiting for test results from one, I started to commit suicide.
Take the results of the day finally came, I had virtually no sleep for three days of.
That morning, I am on the 6 o'clock, the provincial epidemic prevention station to go all the way in the past. I do not want to go, I need a good time to do some mental preparation.
On the road, past as the film release, the scenes in my mind flash.
I thought I had the root cause of the tragedy, we do not want to pay is hard work, do not want to go to their own struggle, but it hopes by others, to change the fate of the marriage by. Fate has given me a surprise hit, what my verdict on the death penalty, even to correct an error of not giving me the opportunity.
Wait until the epidemic prevention station at the entrance, but I am no longer nervous. Because I had wanted to put all the good things, so it becomes comfortable.
Test results on the testing room window on the small basket, with trembling hands I got my own laboratory alone.
Negative! What? Negative! I do not have HIV infection? My eyes like tears, I was negative! At that moment, to become brilliant sunshine, my life there is hope!
Disobedient to brush the tears flow down, this is survived, and tears of ecstasy.
I think that when a death row dragged on actual execution ground, when gunshots ring in the ears, but did not find that they were killed, is still alive, just a tie Lai Pei, as long as honest account, there is a way out when , Is the flow of tears.
But I soon began to doubt the results, it accurate? The two-month window (hidden) period has just passed, and now is not to check it out?
I tested with a single burst into the doctor's office, asked the doctor: "The results of this sure? I just had a two-month window period is not a virus attack yet?"
Doctors may see more of this, he smiled and answered: "definitely accurate.'s Two-month window period of complete enough, or do you rest assured that, a month after the test once again, but should be no problem. From the In theory, one-time access to the thousandth of infection is likely, but after a certain bearing in mind that any time there may be one thousandth of that. "
I put a little heart and decided to go check a month later.
I went to work on the afternoon, but was not completely put down the burden.
I was a month, the Internet search is basically a variety of AIDS cases go to the library and check all kinds of medical information. I have been fully aware of AIDS, and almost became the experts.
After a month, I had a check, or negative, can be certain I do not have the HIV virus.
I think of the health, well-ah, if he so wishes, I do not find it too sick, he still take care of him, as long as good to take precautions on the line.
I wrote him a long email, to their minds.
At the same time, I began to test preparations for GRE, test TOEFL, I want to go to the United States, Graduate School of Psychology of Reading. AIDS research is the psychological consultation.
Kin has not replied to me, but this is the result I have long thought of. Ge Jitian I still give him an email, told him that I live in all kinds of plans and details of those letters were returned to have any more.
I think that health should have seen it.
To study hard for more than a year later, I had successfully test TOEFL and GRE, I immediately applied for several universities in California and have been enrolled, and all prize-wide.
Alive as Los Angeles, so I chose this now at the University of Los Angeles.
Wait for a visa and admission to spend a year's time, so I came in 2005, where the health of the city - in Los Angeles.
I came to the United States after the first thing is to call health, but these calls have stopped using.
I settled after the first weekend, according to the health of the original address I was looking for him, has replaced another, also live in a house of a white.
I can not contact him, I do not know any of his friends or family members of the telephone, only to wait, waiting for him with me.
I still have been used in the original mail address, because I am afraid that I would one day Kin letter, perhaps he is still alive, perhaps he is dead. But maybe one day I will receive from heaven, he sent the email, told me that the people of heaven will never get AIDS.
Reporters postscript:
"There is hardly floating weeds," Qi Wan network so that I can not help but love story tears.
She is strong, but the outcome is so bleak. I can imagine the "floating weeds wind and rain" in memory and the health bit by bit, that the scenes had her heart torn bit by bit, and she Tilei Cross in this cruel memories of floating, And a broken heart.
Kin also please? If he is still alive, perhaps one day will be moved from the "floating weeds wind and rain" has been to issue him with email, and suddenly appeared.
Maybe he will never happen again, but heaven will be good Zheng Zhao's eyes, silently watching the "floating weeds wind and rain." And God promised aspiration of the afterlife they meet again.